Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Shiny People Affect My Thoughts

Sitting in the overstuffed chair at Barnes and Nobel I feel undersized. My feet don’t quite touch the floor with my back against the cushion. So I pull my legs up and fold them beneath me, making a bird’s nest of my lap. I pour my attention onto the pages of my selected book. People walk past me – surely, it’s a busy Sunday afternoon – but I don’t notice. I’m enamored with the words before me. I’m following in the footsteps of the author, from my perch in the enormous chair.


Twenty some minutes go by before I look up and stretch. The bookstore café sits in my sight line, just two dozen feet before me. People are milling about. None of them in particular stand out. Until I spot the woman, coiffed like a porcelain doll. Ready to be someone’s bright-eyed treasure. She’s attractive, put together, and carries herself with that certain air long time southern residents with a good bit of money seem to possess.

I stop scanning the café and watch only her. That is until a dark-haired man in a suit enters a few minutes later and heads to the tail of the coffee line. His suit is out of place for this time and space. But I suspect he could still stand out in a pair of kaki Dockers.

I watch him awhile, inching his way towards the counter, waiting his turn to order an espresso. Then I return my gaze to the woman, now seated at her table with her trendy bag, cell phone, coffee cup and papers, likely doing something important. Or at least doing something well. I notice my pulse has slightly increased. And when I inventory my thoughts, I find them discussing how to be as attractive and commanding as these two.

That's ironic, given that a few paragraphs back in the book, I’d paused at the author’s line, “When did looking good become your god?”

The question in the middle of the paragraph had begged me to pull the journal from my purse and write it down for future consideration. After dragging my attention away from the shiny café people, I decide now should be that future time. Placing my pen to the journal page, the ink forms this note to God and self:

“When I see someone, male or female, who looks good in my opinion – or in the world’s opinion, as the two are entirely too synonymous at times—my attention fixates. I find my pulse even quickens. This happens whenever I like what I see - be it a person, a painting, or a ripe plum. I admire and desire it. And, honestly, I find myself longing today to elicit that kind of response in others. Why??

Probably because it seems powerful. Probably because a mind that is not set on Christ derives too much pleasure from being admired. But here I sit today, a bit disheveled, in need of a haircut, with my feet in my lap like a child. And what’s equally honest is I want to enjoy sitting here like this without regret. Without worry that I’m not a shiny, suit person right now. I wish I looked my best at all times, and at the same time, I don’t want to be driven by that wish. I see that for what it would truly be: an obession with self and slavery to image. I want to look nice when it’s fun for me to, or necessary for me to look professional. But I don’t want looking good to become my god. Thank you Lord, that You look at my heart and not my appearance.”

And with that, having taken my thoughts captive, I return to my chosen book. Contented. With my feet in my lap like a child.


Thankful for the wisdom of God's priorities.

27 comments:

  1. Love the way you've put this....reminds me to put my heart in God's hands and then to relax. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Thanks for your words!

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  2. Wow - beautiful post Rachel. You painted a perfect word picture and portrayed a perfect point straight from Gods Word.

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  3. So very true...I find beautiful people are mesmerizing and it is so easy to feel less than when they are around. Learning to be comfortable in our own skin is a process and I don't think we can do it alone.

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  4. Your words resonated deep within my heart. They have "been me" for as long as I can remember....until this very moment, that is. Thank you for sharing your heart. In doing so, you have led me to a place of peace and rest in mine. God is so faithful to give us just what we need, right when we need it. Today, His answer came through you!

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  5. Thank you for this- this speaks to me too and I admire your honesty and vulnerability in writing it.

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  6. So beautifully written! If we could always see ourselves the way he sees us how different we would be. I recently have been tackling this same issue after reading a book. I talk about it in this post

    http://teamcason.blogspot.com/2010/03/beauty-is-in-eyes-of-beholder.html

    As always thanks for sharing your heart : )

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  7. Terrific writing, Rachel. Freedom in Jesus...it's ours.

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  8. Your words went straight to my heart Ms. Rachel. I just read a powerful book - Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller.

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  9. Wow. Have you been in my head?? LOL I am learning that God has given us powerful minds and that we have to take those thoughts captive to Christ. The Enemy also knows that we have powerful minds and he wants us to live in defeat so that we won't know that truth.

    Thank you for being open and real!
    Karen

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  10. Judy, I just read that book too - about 2 weeks ago in preparation for a upcoming sermon series our church is doing. Excellent book.

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  11. Beautifully written and so well put. I think it's just our human nature, though, to be drawn towards "attractiveness" and somehow it's somewhat important to be "attractive" ourselves- especially on the inside- but also on the outside to draw people near us to in turn draw them towards God. I don't know if it's the will to be attractive that's the wrong attitude (if placed in the right context) as much as the will to be attractive by the world's standard's MORE than God's standards.
    What a lovely perspective. Thanks for outlining that.
    And you're cute no matter what, baby. :)

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  12. Sigh... i love this... i have felt this so many times myself

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  13. So well put. At my age it's too late to change now. I'm not sure I would even want to as I'm so much closer to God than I was many years ago. I'm just thankful to still be here and learning to enjoy the presence of God. I'm sure I'm not even near close to the person God intended but I'm just thankful for His steadfast love and understanding. I don't mean to sound "holier than thou" because I know there are others who have reached a higher place with God than I have but I do know He still loves me. Sometimes I feel so in awe of what He has done in my life.

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  14. You hit the nail on the head when you said "a mind that is not set on Christ derives too much pleasure from being admired". Being one that is renewing my mind to get out of those old dangerous thought patterns of attention, acceptance and admiration, this hit home for me. God is truly renewing my heart and mind concerning getting attention, but just a couple of weeks ago I found myself in a drive-thru admiring the man taking my money, and I wanted him to notice me...my attractiveness... and so I proceeded to take my sunglasses off and when he came back with my food, I got exactly what I was looking for... admiration and attention. He sure did notice me and gave me a compliment, but IMMEDIATELY I felt bad and immediately asked for foriveness and proceeded to talk with God that I don't want to desire the affirmation of men, that I want His affirmation.

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  15. I love your post and I have been thinking about this for a long time. I recently stopped getting my hair colored and it started because trying to cut things out that are not that important and now I am graying but I am perfectly fine with that, I am a young 50. God looks at my heart and if people do not like my graying hair that is their problem because my God loves me with my graying hair and so does my husband. In Proverbs 16:31 says, "Gray hair is a crown of splendor". I love my Lord and Saviour, Jesus and how He shows us what we need at particular times in our walk with Him.

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  16. this is a beautiful post. I'm constantly looking to see myself how God sees me. Especially living in Hollywood, where its all about outer beauty!

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  17. Beautiful post...words for our heart. Thank you

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  18. Thank you for sharing this and your personal thoughts. We are drawn to good looking people naturally. My husband commented to me how he had never noticed how women check each other out until I pointed it out to him. It is great to have a hairdresser that can make your hair look decent, I love cute shoes and clothes, but then feel guilty for being vain or materialistic. I cringe when someone tells me I look cute. I just try to be me. I enjoy looking nice but don't have to be the best dressed in the room. At work I have to dress professionally, but I do not have my nails done and there are weekends when I do not wear make up and go around in sweats. But I do confess that I don't feel as good about my self as when I do put on the make-up and dress nicer. Vanity is wired into us. It is a struggle to balance this desire to not be ugly with as you said, looking good being your god. One thing I try to remember is that concentrating too much on your self, being so self absorbed, is a sin. God knows what is in my heart, I can not hide from Him. I try to keep it all in check and in balance. Some days I don't do such a good job. We need to be kinder to ourselves and others and stop judging so much.

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  19. Sometimes, no matter how a person tries to look good on the outside, it is still the glow within that makes a person look beautiful. ;)

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  20. Oh yes, isn't this just a constant struggle? To be content with who we are, regardless of how 'shiny' we might look or feel. So glad to know it's not just me eyeing and comparing in coffee shops!

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  21. Rachel, this message was a balm for my soul. Striving & self-criticism have lead to anxiety & depression. You expressed beautifully the lesson that God is trying to teach me. Thank you!

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  22. Rachel, I had read this post before but came back to it today after reading your words at Encouragement for Today at P31. Thank you, thank you for speaking to my heart with this. It is such a delicate balance to desire to be better and more like God but yet be content with how He has made me. Love the verses (in P31 post) in the Message translation too. Thank you!

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  23. Thank you so much for this post. It seems as though God was speaking through you. Lastnight when I went to bed this was my prayer. I wanted God to help me be content with who I am. I'm always comparing myself to women that I see. My self-esteem is not very high and my best friend stays on me about how I shouldn't be that way. I am really just trying to figure out how can I be happy with who I am. I struggle with this all the time. I don't dress up some days because I feel like what's the point I'm not going to look better than "Kristy." This is something that I'm really trying to work through. I feel like my walk with God is getting much better and so I'm working on it. Please keep me in your prayers.

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  24. Well this goes hand in hand with Shari Brandel's on "Defined By God" yesterday. Oh how I needed this one too. God is working on all of us that is for sure. Thank you for posting this.

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  25. Love, love love your post this morning! You expressed the hearts of so many of us so well! Thank you!

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  26. I struggle with wanting to be admired and then feeling awkward when I do get the attention. It's a crazy dichotomy. Loving the attention and then feeling uneasy about recieving it. My prayer is that God will allow me to see me how he does.

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